How Sister got her Name

by Sister, the bitch

Version 1

Here's a picture of my dad. Well, actually, it's not really my dad, just the same model and type. I really didn't know him, so I don't have any pictures. This one will do, because when you come right down to it, all white guys look the same to me anyway.

My dad was American, actually, kind of a husky guy. He had a very domineering attitude and liked to tell everyone he was boss.

"My name is Mister Spitz!" he liked to say.

When you combine this attitude and those looks, you can see why mom sort of forgot herself at the first opportunity.

Here's a picture of my mom. Well, actually, it's not really my mom, just the same model and type. I don't have any pictures of the old girl: she threw me out when I was only seven weeks old, for crying out loud! But I kind of remember her and dug up this picture to give you an idea of why the old man came snuffling and dancing around.

Hubba hubba!

So anyway, even though mom had been around the block a few times (in Ariss, there only is one block) and even though mom had found herself in the family way at least twice before, she fell like a ton of bricks for Mister Spitz. He was bragging about his penthouse dog house in Miami and his chalet dog house in Muskoka, and he took mom out to all the best manure piles and muddy ditches in town. Well, you guessed it, she let down her defences, bought his stories hook, line and sinker and went off into the bushes with him, without benefit of clergy.

Well, that was it: wham, bam, thank you ma'am! Scotty, beam me up. Mr. Spitz was never seen in those parts again.

Mom, of course, soon found herself "with children" (again!) and since there were no Planned Puppyhood chapters in Ariss, found herself shipped off to Aunty's (again!) where, in due time, she had me and a bunch of other puppies. Aunty wasn't buying much of mom's story about the husky American: she figured mom partied with just about any male, no matter what the breed. But when she saw the little white marks on my paws and on my chest, well, she began to believe that mom, in her own way, was faithful to the breed.

But of course, mom found that us kids put quite a damper on her party times. She wanted rid of us in the worst way and managed to cajole, trick and fool a lot of people into taking some of my litter mates away. And she planned to kick me out on the street before my 8 week birthday if Coffee Lady hadn't come around and rescued me. So that's how I got to come to Guelph and be in charge of a pretty nice house. It didn't take me long to get Coffee Lady trained, and now I get to run in a lot of parks and woods, and I get her to hit the tennis ball with a raquet for me, and she gives me the food and treats I need.

So what's all this got to do with my name, you ask? Well, here's what I think.

I mentioned that me and my litter mates were surprise number two or three for old mom, and I expect there have been others since. Deep down, I bet, mom realizes that all these promises she's being made by those handsome strangers (who only want one thing!) are not worth the bad breath used to make them. I think she knows she is destined to be left in the lurch every time she lets macho man have his way with her, no matter what he says about treats every day and him bringing her bones in bed every morning.

But she also knows that these guys all have the same burning desire: they all are really trying to ensure that their family name gets carried on to the next generation. So they are hoping that when mom drops her load, there'll be a bunch of "daddy juniors" in place to play the same game on the next generation of hapless bitches.

But mom has foiled all these hopes and thumbs her nose at these guys who let her down. How? Every litter she has ever had has only contained females! Not one male to carry on daddy's family name! Take that, you randy dandies! You didn't get any boys at all!

So all of my litter mates were my sisters, and all of my half-litter mates were my sisters too. And that's why I'm sure Coffee Lady decided to call me "Sister" in honour of this situation.

That's my guess, anyway.

Version 2

In this version, Coffee Lady wanted to give me the same name as one of her sisters. But, as Coffee Lady says,

" She got her name due to the fact that I have 2 sisters, both of whom are bitches...I couldn't decide which one of them to name her after :-)"

And that's the story told by the Coffee Lady, who must never have heard what Bambi's mother said.